I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
