i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
