Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
