How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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