I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
