pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
