its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
