I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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