I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
