I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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