have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
