He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
