I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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