I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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