Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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