I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
