do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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