kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
