At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
