writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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