i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
