I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
