people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
