if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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