it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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