forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
