i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
