Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
