Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
