Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
