im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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