I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
