My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
