I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
