Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
