meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
