I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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