We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
