wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So much rum. So many feels.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize