I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
