I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
