The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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