I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
