toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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