Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
