guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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