What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
