The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
