it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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