ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
