i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
