Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
