remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
