Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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