I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
