Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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