Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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