do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
