wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
