so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
