She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
