It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She bit a glass in half.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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