her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
