K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
