She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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