just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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