everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i have two assholes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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