He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
