If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
